Being the mother of adult children is amazing. Who knew back when they were little and so fun to take care of and said all the cutest things....that when they were adults they would be so amazing and really your best friends. I know that I could share many experiences to make this point. But this week has been an extremely emotional week for several different reason not the least of which is that I missed my mother more this week and felt her loss probably more profoundly during this hard time.......the blessing is, I found out/remembered that I do have some pretty darn wonderful children, a Heavenly Father who does indeed love me as his daughter and who will inspire me to call the only person that could see the whole picture and give wise counsel, and reaffirming knowledge that my husband does love me very much!
As I have struggled this week with self doubt, fear, and extreme loneliness, I turned to my Heavenly Father and because he loves me, I had a husband, who I have to be honest did not always say the "right thing" in my mind.....but what he did do right and I love him to death for is he was concerned, tried to be my sounding board, give good advice from a Man's point of view and left me no doubt that he loved me and was on my side, and is ever ready to give me a blessing whenever I need one.....you really can't ask for much more than that.
My daughters called me more than usual this week, saying they just wanted to talk! I didn't say anything to them about what I was feeling and I heard them say things like, "I just felt like I needed to call you before I went to bed tonight" or "I just found out some exciting news and you were the first person I wanted to tell" and then having great conversations with them.
And when I really felt like I was at my lowest point, and missing my mother so very deeply, I was inspired to call a friend, who did listen and told me quite frankly what I needed to hear. And because Heavenly Father told me to call her, I took her counsel and followed it and have made a big effort to stop doubting myself, and tried to just move forward...... and I will say that probably 100 people could have told me the same thing and I'm not sure I would have changed my actions or how I was feeling, but because the impression was so strong from my Heavenly Father I felt like I needed to trust and believe what she told me and move forward.
After that when I was more myself one of my adult children called and I could tell her a little more about my self esteem struggles this week and it was so amazing to listen to her say things to me like "pray for comfort, I know you can receive it when you ask for it" and other advice like "go to the Temple" or "ask Dad for a blessing" and of course these are all things that I know and things that Alan and I had already talked about or done.....but really just so amazing that you have such strong adult children that are your friends, who love you, and give such sound advice and think "Wow, I really did a great job raising my children"......not that I'm bragging or anything. But it was a profound revelation and one that I'm so glad that I could get past myself to realize!!!!!
I am so incredibly blessed!
Last night we had our RS Conference Scholars get together! It was a wonderful evening and I really enjoyed getting to be there again!!! The last few I have not been able to go to because one time Alan had Stake Bishopric training that he needed to attend and I think the others were because even though I told him I had a RS meeting I needed/wanted to go to he forgot and scheduled home teaching or visits to ward members homes to make callings to people etc... which in turn made it so I was not able to go because I needed to watch Aileen.
