Mother Update

9-3-09
Doctor came in and informed us that the vegetative state that she is in is all we can ever expect. So now it is just a mater of waiting for her to die. Hard news to hear and hard news to really comprehend, because even though I knew that my father signed a DNR order (which even I knew were my mother's wishes) it was still shocking when I realized that that meant no nourishment or fluids for her as well. I wasn't quite prepared to realize that, but knew that as healthy as her heart and all her vitals were that she would live for the 2 yrs the Doctor had mentioned time table wise and that would be cruel to her. So after the few moments of shock I came to be at peace with what was taking place, still didn't like it, but knew it was best. So they moved Mom to the hospice part of the hospital where their whole goal is to keep her as comfortable as possible until she passes or after 10 days they will then move her to a nursing home. Earlier that day as the social worker came to talk to my father about nursing homes....once again it didn't seem too shocking until they asked what funeral home we had chosen. Then it became all too real again! So you can see that you understand what is going on and you feel that you know God's in Control and has a plan, but it still hits you right between the eyes sometimes what is really happening and that it is not a dream.

Our Bishop has been up many times to visit, and he is really sensitive to all of the family and not only did he give my mother a blessing, but my father a blessing of comfort and offered one to me as well. But when he asked do you want me to give it or your father, I chose my father of course before I realized what a difficult task that would be for him. Up until this moment I had only had a couple of very special moments with my father and having him break down and cry while talking with him about Mom and her situation, otherwise he of course has a strong testimony of the Gospel and our Savior, Jesus Christ, and the Plan of Salvation so he knows that she is going to be in a better place. But when he started to give me this blessing it was very difficult for him to speak and I think we were both sobbing. I felt that even though I love getting blessings from my father maybe it would have been kinder to have the Bishop do it.

One thing that has kept me strong through all of this is that I have a sister that only lived 2 days and I have been thinking that maybe it is LaDean's turn to have her mother. That my siblings and I have been able to be with her for a long time and now LaDean needs her mother! Dad also talked about LaDean, and my mothers parents and her being able to bear her testimony to her father which she has wanted to do for so many years. She really does have so much to look forward to. Anyway, it was a very spiritual and special experience and even though it undoubtedly was hard for my father I'm so glad I was given that opportunity.

9-4-09
I have really almost resented that I have had to go to work, and yet I love my job and it is important to do some normal things and I only work 1/2 days. But I have to tell you after so many hours have passed that I have not been up to the hospital because I am either running family errands or at work....I am so anxious to get up to the hospital I am almost in tears with anxiety to be there and out of breath once I do get there.

She has stopped opening her eyes for most of the day except for when they rotate her from side to side, where as other days she would open her eyes and sometimes I think she was looking at us, but not today. She seemed to be resting much more comfortably. When they moved her from ICU to the hospice room, it took many hours before she looked calm again. She cannot swallow so sometimes, actually mostly, her breathing is very labored and rattles a lot due to fluids accumulating at the back of her throat.

One thing that we have found out - originally the doctor said that because she had just had surgery they could not give Mom the blood thinners that they would normally give to people who are having strokes as a counter measure and a way to help them recover from having a stroke because she would bleed to death. But Mother's strokes were so massive that even if she had not just had surgery they could not have given her the blood thinners etc...because she would have bled too severely in her brain. So this really is and was it for my mother no matter the situation.

We brought up the big family portrait to hang on the wall from the 50th Wedding anniversary and the quilt that we made for them to lay on her bed. My nephew Andreu, who is a Marine at Camp Pendleton in California, called and said he was arranging for leave to be able to come and he needed the Red Cross to send a message to his commander. This was a new experience for me, as I didn't really know how all that worked. The Hospital Chaplain and Social Worker came and got all of Andy's info and contacted the Red Cross and all should be clear for him to have leave and come to be with us on Tuesday! It has been over a year since Kim has been able to see her son and longer than that for the rest of us! I know he has felt like he has missed so many things, the 50th Wedding Anniversary, Allison's Wedding, but he will be able to get leave for this.

9-5-09
Today Dad brought up the CD of her Senior recital that she performed on the violin after she had gone back to college to finish her degree at the age of 45. We have all listened to that as well as a CD my family made when Kim and I were married and away but Ruth, Elizabeth, Edward, and George all participated in. When we were playing the music she started opening her eyes more. I also believe it was because we had told her that Kim and her family and Ruth were coming today! I really believe she was waiting for Ruth and for Kim. Once Ruth got there she really looked at her for a long time and I wish we could have really known what she was thinking for sure. I believe I know some of the times what she has been feeling and trying to say to us. But mainly I hope that she knows how much we all love her!

So with her being much more alert today it has been a little unsettling because you wonder are we doing the right thing? But then I ask myself, would she be able to swallow, eat, drink, communicate with visitors or able to do anything more than just lay there and open her eyes every once and awhile and have trouble breathing? And the answer is always no! The strokes and bleeding in her brain were so severe it will never be more than this....... And then I know that yes, we are doing the right thing. I know that is what I would want, and Alan has told me several times, "just so you know, that is exactly what I would want too" to which I usually say "ditto!" The nurses have also said that there is always a time of rallying before the inevitable.

Pictured above, Ruth, Sarah, and Mom