My mind has been whirling around because I have been really thinking and pondering about something. A very dear friend of mine who also has an adult disabled child moved her daughter to a group home sort of situation. I have no doubt that this was a very hard decision and one that she did not take lightly and only did after much prayer and personal revelation. So this has made me stop and ponder and think about Aileen. I have always sworn that I would never put Aileen in any kind of situation other than living with us or with her family after we are gone. But is that really fair to our children? Is it fair to Aileen? But I have to tell you honestly, this past summer we had a situation at her Adult Day Care that just solidified my resolve that putting her in any situation where she is not living with family could never happen because of the evil that is in this world and the way that Satan convinces others to take advantage of those who cannot defend themselves or even tell anyone about it.
But to be honest I have worried that once Alan and I are gone, is it really fair to my children and their families to have to take on this responsibility and maybe I should not have made them promise me they would always take care of her even if they had to take turns every 6 months or every year etc... Not that my children have ever said anything but "Of course we are going to take care of Aileen" they love her. I know it and she knows it. But I would be devastated if it broke up their marriage or their family because of them having to take care of Aileen. It is a strain on any relationship and even though people say...."of course we will love her and take care of her".....the day to day is difficult and my girls are use to it as they have grown up with it but others (spouses, children) might not really understand what it means.
So I have been doing a lot of praying and soul searching to see if I'm being selfish or a good mother! And I guess thank goodness this decision doesn't have to be made right away because I think it will take a long time of prayer and study etc... to get my answer!
The flip side is that Aileen is a blessing to any home. And that while you think you are giving service to her, she is really teaching you so very much about God, the Plan of Salvation, love, service, patience and how God must see us as his Children. And that would be a blessing to any home and any Grandchildren or Great Grandchildren that I might have in the future!
So as you can see I have been very thoughtful........
Clementine
1 year ago
4 comments:
Wow – that is pretty deep. I think it’s good to plan for sure (like how we need a will, but still haven’t gotten around to it . . . ), but there’s only so much you can do after the planning . . .
One of my old family friends has a son (now grown) who lives on a campus like you were talking about. He’s able to communicate a bit though, so he would be able to tell someone if he was being mistreated. I can imagine how difficult it would be without the communication. (Actually, I got a lot of flack about that regarding Caedyn. I didn’t leave her at church nurserys until she was old enough to speak. Just because people are in a church doesn’t mean they are good people. Yes – I’m that paranoid/protective.)
I hope you soon find peace when thinking of the future. I can tell Aileen is very well loved and I’m sure she’ll be well taken care of.
i just admire your family and the extra love you have as you are blessed with Aileen.
Well, you won't really have a say..as you'll be dead.
RELAX!!!! Things will work out the way they need to. Ally-boo and I will do what we need to do.
Chill, mother dear. :)
As Anne Marie said"Relax!" Hopefully that won't be your necessary decision for 30+ years. Don't borrow trouble.
In the meantime, I'd amend the promise a little bit. Define "care for her" as what the daughter (and her family) pray and fast and receive inspiration to do. Trust in their righteous desires of the heart.
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