Midnight delight!

Thursday night at midnight my girlfriends and I were front and center for "Bourne Legacy".  I really loved the movie and I was skeptical because if it didn't have Matt Damon in it....could it really be a Bourne movie??  And could it really be any good??  But it was!  I think it worked because they didn't try to have this new actor replace Bourne.....he is his own character running parallel with what we know and love about Jason Bourne.

The only sad thing for me was that I couldn't see it with Alan.  This is one time when sometimes its hard being Aileen's parents.....because if we were truly "empty-nesters" as we really should be......Alan and I could go to these types of things together.  We often feel bad that we don't get to do more dates of just the two of us!  We would gladly take Aileen everywhere with us but staying quiet and still in a movie that is not Disney is just not going to happen, so one of us doesn't get to enjoy or see the movie anyway, which is the reason we do so many things separately.  So, even though this last year was hard being unemployed, one benefit that we truly enjoyed was getting to go out on weekly dates during the day when Aileen was at her Day Care and I was off  on either Wednesday or Friday afternoons! 

Now others have said, get a sitter!  And we smile and say, "What a great idea" like we never thought of that!  But here again, people don't really realize what they are saying.  First off, anyone that we would hire would need to be paid more than child care wages, which we are happy to do, but finding some one is the hardest part.  In the past we have had several people we could hire to watch Aileen that were not fearful of her, or changing adult diapers, or knowing how to respond if she were to have an episode because she cannot speak but this has not been the case for several years now.   We have even tried to limit our time out, so if some care givers are not comfortable changing diapers, I change before we leave only be gone a short while and then change her when we get back.  And believe me we are happy with that scenario but it does limit the enjoyment of the time away when having to watch time so carefully.  The first 18 yr old that loved watching Aileen (as an adult) for us was Liz Brackney, she loved Aileen and Aileen loved her and she made it possible for us to do so many things together that didn't include it having to be one of our children watching Aileen.  I will be forever grateful to her, but of course she went off to college, then moved away and is now married, but it gave us hope that there might be others out there that really would not mind caring for an adult disabled person.  The hard part is that our next favorite care giver (she was perfect because she knew Aileen through Allison so was not afraid of her, but she was also a nursing student) a year ago she got married and moved away.  Now she (Katie Martinez) has moved back recently, but she has a full time nursing job and is married and we haven't wanted to put her on the spot if she really doesn't have the time or want to babysit for us. The teenage girls from our church (2) who seemed to be o.k. with watching Aileen for us are in college now and working and away when school starts and even though they are home right now, once again worry that they may be offended that we ask them to babysit when they have real jobs and are in college now.  Now, I really didn't mean to make this sound like "pour us" because we do not feel that way at all.  And we would not change Aileen being in our lives at all!! But it is hard on a relationship sometimes when you have to divide and conquer for most activities that others our age rarely have to think about.

Now, that I have mentioned all this, I do need to mention that we do have some very thoughtful friends and I am grateful when Chuck and Carol Malone will just call up and say "We've already gone to the Temple this week and are not going to get to go for the Ward Temple day, so we would like to volunteer to watch Aileen so you can go together!"  Wow, those times are precious to us.  Linda Davila, has also called or in person said......"Let me know when I can come and watch Aileen, so you can go to the temple together and I'm not taking no!"  The rare times that this has happened have been such blessings and such great gifts to us that I cannot even express to you what it has meant to Alan & I.  Bishop Willden and Yensey came out of the temple one time and saw me waiting with Aileen so I could take my turn once Alan came out, and they decided they wanted to watch Aileen instead of Alan so we could both go in and be in the Temple together instead of  Alan out in the car with Aileen while I went it.  When Katie got married and moved away her father told me that "I know you really count on Katie to watch Aileen, and now that she is moving I just want to offer that Rhoda and I could watch Aileen for you".  One of the sweetest offers ever, especially when you realize the only reason they know us, is through Katie!!

There are always great acts of kindness shown our way because of Aileen and we are really so very grateful, but the reality is, I can't just pick up the phone and call through a list of sitters until we find one that is available.  It's limited, based on availability, and it is rare!  So thanks to all those who have lovingly tried to give us time to be able to go out together!!

And the biggest thank you has to go to our girls, Anne Marie and Allison, who have always helped us with Aileen and when at home still love and assist with Aileen.  But who we probably did not appreciate as much as we should have (even though we tried very hard to make sure we did appreciate and did not take advantage of ) until they were gone!!  We love you girls and your great acts of love and service were not just to/for Aileen but for your parents as well!  Thank you!