Two things happened that helped me to understand, and feel the prompting of the spirit, to know what Aileen really was going through.
First thing: was the Friday, that Aileen and I were going down for a girls night with Allison and Charlotte because John had to work games late that night, and we ended up with the baby at the ER. Aileen cried (silently) for Charlotte that she was having to go through all the tests, and Allison was being pretty strong until she saw Aileen's tears running down her cheek and then we both lost it a little. So I knew at that moment that Aileen loved Charlotte very much and did not want anything bad to happen to her or for her to have to go through any pain at all.
Second thing: and I know it was no accident the timing of this. I got an email from Gary Jones, he and his family use to live in our Ward, whom we loved and now miss very much now that they are gone, asking if he could share a story about Aileen that I had told in Gospel Doctrine on a Sunday that he was back in Texas visiting. It was a story on discernment. He said it was one of the best examples on discernment he had ever heard and asked if I would allow him to share it and could I send him a copy or write the experience down.....which of course because of my blog, all I had to do was copy it and email it to him..........yes, my personal history in action.......it is printed in book form too. It was in 2009, and it made me re-read and think about this time in Aileen's life and the more I thought about it the more I realized (really the spirit told me) that Aileen was probably once again feeling a little bit of sadness....
Sadness, that even though she knows that in the next life (Celestial Kingdom, or 2nd coming whichever comes first) she will be able to fall in love, get married, have children, etc... that it is hard to watch people her age, and especially her sister that is younger than her, have all the things in this life that she longs for herself!! And that it is hard to wait....wait for what must seem like such a long time for when these things can become a reality. Of course she is happy for John and Allison, she loves them dearly, but it doesn't stop the pain sometimes of wishing it was you....... because if you know Aileen at all you know that even though she cannot speak, she understands.....and maybe that is why she can't speak, because she understands more than we are suppose to know in this life!
Here is the story again for those who would like to read:
Tues.
Dec 15, 2009
I
would like to share a very precious and spiritual moment that I was able to
share with Aileen Sunday!
First
a little background. As mentioned in an earlier post we have had a lot of
friends’ daughters getting married this year and had just gone to one Saturday
and the weekend before and on Sunday Janice Schwartz had her beautiful new baby
blessed in our Ward.
All
during sacrament meeting I had to take Aileen out several times because she
just could not be still and quiet. And when we were in Sacrament meeting she
was totally straining her whole body to be quiet.....to keep all that she was
feeling inside and she was just having a hard time doing it. So when Sacrament
meeting was over, I decided there was no way I was going to try and make her
sit quiet through Sunday School so we stayed seated in the Chapel until
everyone was gone in hopes that by the time RS started Aileen would be able to
stay calm. Rebecca Albright came and sat by us and we were catching up on Scott
being on his mission etc.... and Aileen was still just really struggling to
keep all her flapping, noise and rocking (stemming) at bay, so I said to
Rebecca, "Aileen is having a hard time keeping it all in today". And I even said something to the tune of,
“And I’ve really had it, I’m at my wits end”.
At this point Rebecca looked at Aileen and said....."you are about
the same age as Janice aren't you? And I bet when you saw her baby being
blessed that you miss getting to have these same experiences in this life. I
bet it is really hard to see other women your age getting married and having
babies, knowing that you wish for these same blessings and it must be so hard
to wait and remember that this life is such a short time!" Aileen
immediately stopped rocking, and flapping and making noise and looked right at
Rebecca and with tears in her eyes grabbed her hand and really looked in her
eyes like she was saying 'you do understand'. At that point both Rebecca and I
were both in tears.
I
told Rebecca that we had just been to a Wedding the night before
and that she was also about Aileen's age and of course there was no way that
Rebecca had any knowledge of that and yet she had mentioned that in her little
talk to Aileen, that it must be hard to see others her age get married, etc.,
etc. Then I said to Aileen "and do you know who will get to come to your
wedding, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and all your grandparents and
relatives! It will be so special". Then Rebecca said, "and do you
know who will sing at your wedding" and we both looked at Rebecca and she
said......."any one you want" and Aileen smiled and put her hand in
her mouth and ducked her head like she does when she is being bashful or liking
something someone is saying.....so then Rebecca went on to say......."and
Beethoven himself can write a musical number just for you"..... Anyway, it
was a very precious and special moment, and I'm so grateful that Rebecca
listened to the spirit and understood that it must be hard to be Aileen and wish
for all these wonderful blessings of this life......because all I saw and heard
was that Aileen was having a really hard time controlling her stemming and yelling!
I am
grateful to my Heavenly Father that he has put people around Aileen that love
and appreciate her and are her friend, not just her parents and family.....but
Aileen's friends. We are so lucky in this Ward that so many really do want to
know and love Aileen!
This
is such a beautiful example of someone having the gift of discernment!!
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